Taking a CUE

Monday, May 15, 1995

Actually, it's the fourteenth and I'm getting an early start.

Thursday, before leaving for the CUE conference, I went to the Professional Room to work on my grades and to help Aimee put together a PMI sheet for the new proposed schedule. When she arrived, she was intensely depressed. Her English Ten class had flatlined on her. She couldn't get over how lethargic and slug-like they had become since the new term had begun. Last term she had raved over them; this term (with a new class dynamic) they had fallen apart. She was ready to begin Drill and Kill mode on Monday.

We talked for nearly an hour (delaying what was going to be my early exit from school, so that Lisa and I could get down to Palm Springs earlier and hopefully miss some traffic). I tried to give her some other alternatives to the Drill, but every mitigating factor I tried to present to her, she shot down. She had had it with them. And I had to admit that I understood her position all too well. But I also knew that Aimee couldn't do the Drill and Kill for longer than a week. As antithetical as it is to my philosophy, it is even worse for Aimee; while I can tune out the dying cries of the few students with initiative from the complaining bleats of the sheep, Aimee cannot, and she will go stir-crazy within a week. I told her so and she admitted as much, but she was also sure that she did not want to go through a poetry unit (one of her favorites) while hating every minute of it.

When I think of the great activities she was using to introduce the unit, blindfolded sensory exercises with kiwis and the like, I can understand her frustration at their non-response. I consider myself a pretty good teacher, but the activities she cuts loose with in her class are phenomenal. Any student should want to participate. But not this class. She is frustrated and she is angry. And coming on the heels of the last few months, it is making her hate her job.

I've told her of my own job-hate at times, and I reminded her that I was actively looking for possible replacement jobs, in case that the electronic portfolio or the possible upcoming English Nine barcoding activity didn't float my boat enough to motivate me to return in September. Then she said the most ridiculous thing. She said I had skills. Like she didn't. Every good teacher has skills. Presentation skills. Organizational skills. Management skills. She just didn't see them in herself. Quite frankly, I wasn't too sure of them in myself, either, until after Parachute, and I told her this. And the second it left my mouth, I was sorry I said it. She's too good a teacher to leave the profession, and here I was very nearly prompting her to consider it. My own bitter frustration was showing through.

After an hour, I'm not sure I helped her at all. But she then left me to my own devices, and Lisa and I were on the road within the next hour.

It was tough leaving Kyle behind, even if he was in the more-than-capable hands of my parents. Except for an overnight stay with the folks on our three-year anniversary in late December, we had never been without him (and even on that particular night, we were just a block away at our own house). This would be different. Hundreds of miles away. Two nights.

Of course, we needed it. Chronic fatigue was wearing us down. Job stress was hitting us both hard. Lisa had decided to take a year off from teaching student government, and, well, you all know my problems. We needed this respite to recharge our batteries, intimately (and hopefully for me, professionally, as well).

It was barely seventy degrees in Pleasant Valley when we left at one-thirty. It was still over ninety in Springs when we arrived at near five. By five, we had scoped out the pool, where we found Metcalf, Lori, and the Czechs.

[It is now the fifteenth; I had hoped that I could get much of this entry down before a day of school had actually elapsed... so that my enthusiasm would be fresh, before any class (cough, second period, cough) could ruin it. It was not to be. C’est la vie.]

Now something has to be said about the Czech situation. Bruce, my department chair, and Lori had been seeing each other for going on two years now. Not that I knew it; I was informed of this by both Lori and Aimee at a pre-WASC lunch, only after Bruce and Lori had ended their relationship. Over a Czech. Supposedly, Bruce and one of the Czechs he had met while he was over there last summer on an educational/technological exchange program had hit it off very well. So well that when he learned that his Czech would be one of the ones visiting this spring, he felt the need to distance himself from Lori. Strange situation. It became stranger to me on Thursday when it was obvious that Bruce and Lori were together in Springs. Maybe not together-together, but sharing the same room at least. And Bruce certainly didn't seem to be spending any more time with the (visibly repressed and seemingly unhappy) female Czech than he was with Lori. Like I said, strange. I don't know all the details and I'm not even sure I want to... this is really only to prove teachers have office (not front-office) romances as well.

Anyway...

I registered for the conference while Lisa hit the pool. Then I tanned for a while myself. Very nice, very relaxing, as I perused the offerings. Lots of HyperStudio stuff that I could relate to what I was doing with the Honors class. Cool. Mac Evangelist Guy Kawasaki had replaced Delaine Eastin as Friday's keynote speaker. Very Cool. Things were looking up.

Thursday night was walking the street faire with Lisa, Bruce, Lori, the Czechs, and a couple of state TechnoMentors. Mega-appetizers and margaritas...even a round of tequila shots... hanging with the rest of the (rowdy) State TechnoMentors. Lots of fun. Even a very nice rekindling of romance, of kissing, of intimacy, of... hell, spit it out. We had sex. With Kyle, stress, fatigue, et al, sex in the past few months had taken a backburner (or was it off the stove and into the fridge?). Well, let's just say we made up for lost time... nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

[Who knows if that sex stuff will stay in the journal, but at least it's honest, and so...]

On to Friday. Kawasaki's keynote was great... a preview of his upcoming book, How to Drive the Enemy Crazy (since published as How to Drive Your Competition Crazy), a guide to business guerilla tactics. Hilarious and thought-provoking. It made me think of how to market myself, if I were to go into training and development. His spiel in a nutshell: Know yourself, Know your clientele, and Know your enemy. Then... Put the customer before yourself; Create a cause not just a company; Concentrate on decisive points (not minutiae); Resist the known, defend the unknown; Sieze the day or create your own; Ask for forgiveness, not permission; Make good by doing good; Turn competition into cooperation; Ignore convention; and Suck up to the Librarian (Mary would have loved it). He reminded us that in education, the status quo and ignorance were our enemies. I saw it clearly. And it made me want to teach. Anything. I was charged up when I left.

Later in the morning, I went to a session on Electronic Portfolios. Though it was presented by two middle school teachers (Lisa should really join CUE and attend next year as a member rather than a vacationing spouse), it related directly to what I was doing. I see that my 4/4H goal/assignment has been too ambitious. But these guys showed me how I could reign it back next year for even greater success, if we can just get our hands on some hardware.

The software is easy... Roger Wagner has just released the newest version of HyperStudio. If it was hot before, it's fucking blistering now (I've already called and ordered my upgrade CD-ROM). With this, my kids could do even more; it won't be here this year to help my kids, but hopefully next year we can get some site licenses. Needless to say, by noon of Friday, I was psyched. I was ready not only to return today, Monday, May 15, but I had almost worked myself into a frenzy, getting pumped up about the possibilities of next year.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, a veritable turning point.

Ya didn't think it possible, huh? Well, neither did I

Of course, this did not stop me from picking up literature at the exhibition hall from computer training agencies, ones to which I could speak about career opportunities. I knew and know there will be times that will try my resolve again, and I knew and know that I will need to investigate all possible jobs before focusing only on the classroom again. But, nonetheless, I felt pretty good.

So the weekend was wonderful. Friday dinner with Kevin Davis and his wife Lori (who does partial-week daycare for Kyle). More drinks. More... you know. Saturday with a final few more sessions. And back on the road to home and Kyle.

Mother's day. And by the time noon rolled around on Sunday, Palm Springs felt weeks ago. I still felt positive when I went to sleep last night. Even second period (with its fifteen absences and twenty-three fails [Progress Reports went out this morning]) could not bring me down completely. It was an ugly dose of reality, but working with the Honors on their electronic portfolios reminded me of what could be happening and what I wanted to be doing... and it is in the classroom.

Now, if only I can do it.