Monday, June 12, 1995
A confusing time here at the keyboard. I have part of yesterday's journal entry on the screen before me. But it's not all there, the ending is missing. At least, I think it's missing; I could have sworn I finished it last night. Of course, I could be wrong. All things computer have been confusing me lately.
Thus, I'm just going on and starting today's entry as a good journalist would do...
June and I met during third period (since our seniors have departed for Dead Week), before going over to Bruce's to discuss divvying up Lead's two sections of 4's between ourselves--this way we could control the curriculum of the level. In forty-five minutes, we banged out a reading program for the 4's: all English (June's idea), divided into four categories from which students would choose one title apiece for the four quarters (my idea, as it mirrors the way I approach outside reading in the Honors class). We came up with reading lists for each category, as well as a supplementary film list (her idea, and a great one, one which would allow the students exposure to more lit at less time expense). After doing this, we headed down to Bruce's.
He sat us down to discuss two items, and he gave us the distinct impression that the second was the one we thought we were there for. After some hemming and hawing...
"It's the question of the Honors again," he started.
oh, shit. not this again.
It seemed that Joan, when looking over the master schedule, questioned Bruce's slotting of me at 4H. He now backtracked, saying that it was more a district concern, a question of enrollment numbers (as if I might catch the distinction between a Grey agenda and a district agenda). Again, enrollment. They (whoever the fuck THEY are) are concerned that there might not be enough students if I teach the course. Both June (I assume) and I were stunned by this: it's an insult. To Jane, it says that she's not expecting as much. To me, it's I'm too tough, not affective enough. Of course, I think June is willing to take the insult if she can have the class.
Bruce had submitted a first draft of the schedule to Joan, who floated the enrollment innuendo. When Bruce submitted a new schedule with June at 4H, Joan backed off, saying that she was not supposed to make scheduling decisions, that Bruce had obviously misinterpreted her. Bruce now felt he’s been given mixed signals. And what kind of signals are we, am I, receiving?
No schedule is etched in stone, yet, he said.
The one he’s sliding across the table, however, has June with the 4H’s. If I remember it correctly (Bruce confiscated our copies before we left the room at meeting’s end), hers read 4, 4H, 9, 9, lunch, Reading, and prep; mine is 12, 12, 4, 4, lunch, prep, and 1. Lead’s is now reading something like: prep, 2, 2, 4, lunch, 9, and 4 (meanwhile, Brad’s cushy schedule was something like prep, 12, 9, ASB, lunch, and two activity periods [to coordinate the ASB stuff]). June and I stared at the schedules. She still wanted to handle the 4’s first, but Bruce cut her off; if the 4H question is decided first, then other matters can fall into place more easily, with less ripple-effects impacting other teacher’s schedules (Hamm, I notice, had the 2H’s already).
I asked Bruce to repeat the administration’s concern. Enrollment. I asked if enrollment will increase if June teaches the course. He couldn’t answer. I wanted to see numbers. If enrollment increased under June, I would go quietly, but I didn’t say this aloud. The administration was uncomfortable with the drop in numbers this year over last year’s 3H’s, and GoD wanted to drop the section of 4H if the enrollment continued too low. I explained to Bruce that this year’s drop was because I had the students for 3H last year; this year’s 3H’s don’t know me from Adam. He said he didn’t know this.
What bullshit.
As I fumed, June attempted to discuss the division of the 4’s. Bruce capitulated. He saw this 4H dilemma as needing Solomon-like wisdom, but during the last week of school he’s not up to it. He said we can have the sections as long as they’re across-the-board changes; no ripple effects will be allowed. June and I looked over the schedules; the two other 4 sections are fourth and sixth period. She can’t take the period six slot--that’s her prep--but I can switch it with my 1 (this keeps Lead’s schedule with the same CoreLit, since he had a section of Nines). June took the fourth period section, sending him her Nine. Now she had 4, 4H, 9, 4, lunch, Reading, and prep; I had 12, 12, 4, 4, lunch, prep, and 4 (a great schedule, Bruce reminded me).
And then it was back to the Honors problem. I looked at the schedule and it looked pretty locked in. If we decided to, Bruce said, we could always (possibly) move some other sections around to get the 4H’s back to me. He told us that he’s comfortable with either of us teaching the class. June honestly told him that she wants the 4H’s. I told him the same, only I qualified it. I won’t teach it as a combination class next year; the idea is asinine. If the only way to teach it is combo, or with June at the helm, I’ll give it up because, I said, the kids on this campus need a senior Honors class; I do want the class, but on my terms.
Bruce stated that he leans toward me for 4H, if only because of my technological expertise, since he feels that this is the direction he wants the Honors program moving. Neither of us responded. It was nearly a slap in her face and a lame attempt at ego-stroking for me. He told us that he would like us to decide the matter soon. June told him to make the decision himself because she can’t. I told him I was uncomfortable making the decision; it is, after all, his (fucking) job. He ssid he will submit both schedules to Grey, and that they’ll "work something out."
oh, fucking, joy
I walk out in a daze, but before I can leave, Bruce had me agreeing to sit in for him at interviews of two candidates for two open English department slots. An honor, but the idea of spending two hours Wednesday afternoon with Joan makes me taste bile.
oh, fucking joy
I hate this more and more, the more I think about it. When in the world has having too high expectations been a bad thing for English 4 Honors, the last opportunity to get students ready for the rigors of college? In my anger and frustration, all I want to do is to inflict the greatest possible harm, professionally, intellectually, physically, on Joan Grey.
Scratch that, all I want to do is quit.
I should have known my warm and fuzzy feelings wouldn’t last.
I’m rethinking dismantling my classroom... why set up a move I may not make?
Night now. This afternoon I met with the Superintendent of Lisa’s district and a Hollywood producer (as well as some four other teachers and educators) in a groundbreaking (and in the case of the Sup, windbreaking--hot wind) meeting for a CD-ROM project. It sounds good. While the financial compensation may or may not be there, it is a good résumé builder.
And I need to start thinking of that, again.
Now more than ever.
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